Friday, March 15, 2019

A Millenial Dilemma?

As in all posts, descriptions of individuals are materially changed to assure confidentiality.

She's in her mid 20's and dissatisfied in her 3rd job since barely completing 2 years of college.  She still lives at home, despite her ability to afford housing.  Her parents hope she'll "find herself" and launch to independence.  She's never been able to maintain a romantic relationship for any length of time, finding those she dates as "not compelling."  She states she's anxious, sweating each and every detail that comes her way, yet (despite the Zoloft her doctor prescribed) seems to repeatedly make poor decisions, such as at work where she tries, repeatedly, to assign her own responsibilities to those who are not her subordinates. 

So I asked her recently, innocently, not realizing I was really on to something, "What are your expectations from life?"  She paused, thought for a minute and said earnestly, "I thought it'd be easier."  "You thought what would be easier?" I said, figuring out as I said it what she meant.  "Life" was all she said.  She thought life would be easier.

So there it is.  She's a bright woman, no learning problems or ADHD.  She did well in High School, never having to work to hard to get solid grades.  She's pleasant and has a good social group.  She gets asked out on dates from time to time.  But nothing seems to be engaging for her.

My concern for this person, and many (but certainly not all) with similar sentiments, is what they lose by underestimating and avoiding the critical life lessons of hard work.  They're bright, privileged, and struggle with how to get their life off the ground.  It's not just that folks like this hope to make the next best video game or app that takes off and sells for millions (or billions.)  It's that there seems to be no "plan B."  What happens when you don't become the next superstar?  This is, of course, not a new dilemma.  (I wanted to make it on Broadway after performing in a few HS musicals.)  But the lack of a realistic view of the world seems to be a common theme.

Alcoholics Anonymous is famous for the phrase "Accepting life on life's terms."  Acceptance, of course a primary theme of AA, is also a primary need in day to day life.  "It is what it is" is a cutesy current way of saying just that.  Reality.  Sometimes it stinks, but it is what it is, stinky or not. 

Viktor Frankl was a neurologist and psychiatrist and survived Hitler's death camps.  After the war he wrote a compelling book called Man's Search For Meaning, and while this forum is not close to being able to discuss such an important work, he encouraged people to consider more what life wants from them than what they want from life.  We are each charged with finding our own path to contribute - not sit back and wait for it to come to us. 

So I'm going to ask her (being a bit to dumbfounded at the moment it came up) to consider what Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks (former Chief Rabbi of The British Commonwealth) said of such issues in his book To Heal a Fractured World.  He suggests that in order to find meaning we find the place "Where what we want to do meets what needs to be done."  That seems to be as good a place to suggest to her to begin as any. 

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