I have always valued the phrase "simple but not easy." It captures so much truth. (As with all posts, materiel identifying information is changed to shield client privacy.)
I met with a young woman I'd not seen in about a year. She's in college and doing well. Quite well. She's found her area of expertise and has been excelling in it. After we spent some time catching up and her sharing how well things were going, I inquired why she contacted me.
She shared she had a major presentation of a paper she'd developed and spent a great deal of time. She had been chosen from many applicants to present at a prestigious conference. She was in the early stages of hitting her professional stride in college, which is indeed an accomplishment. She admitted she'd been a bit wishy washy about academics after her transition to college. She responded by finding her bootstraps and pulling hard on them and has begun to see objective success that, with this conference, was about to put her in very good stead as her career developed.
Her acceptance to present at this conference was a major validation of her efforts, her gifts and her accomplishments. It's cancellation due to the CV 19 concerns that the world currently faces has deeply deflated her momentum regarding her identity as a professional.
I suggested to her that she's facing a couple of things that many of us are coping with: She's not in control of what happens, and bad things happening to good people.
Her diligence at her academics had been totally in her control. Even though she was surprised at being chosen to present at the conference - she had read the other submissions and found many of them to be quite impressive - she was learning that she could earn the right to be counted among the highly accomplished in her field. Her academic gifts notwithstanding, she'd done the work. She'd put in the hours, listened to her professors' advice as she progressed. She was in charge and responsible, and she was enjoying that sense of authority over her subject matter and the recognition that was coming with it. And now she's understandably struggling with the cancellation of the conference.
She'd done all the right things, is active in her community, was raised in a loving family that has encouraged and supported her throughout her years. She's active in her church, she volunteers. And was confused at why something like this might happen to her.
We discussed the realities of not being in charge and being victimized by the seeming randomness of life in this universe. I encouraged her to consider that such is the lesson we all have to learn, sooner or later, whether dealing with a global pandemic or a fender bender. The lessons of living life on life's terms, where we are not in control, despite our efforts, despite doing all the right things is a simple reality. Absorbing those lessons, digesting them, integrating them into one's conscious rhythm, that's not easy, but is the task at hand.
