Wednesday, January 21, 2015

The Shirt on the Chair in the Office

I have two offices, one in my home and one in Alpharetta, a northern suburb of Atlanta.  My home office is comfortable, built out to my specs.  It happens to have the laundry room attached to it.  Sundays is normally laundry day, so there's no real conflict in the use of my office for folding and organizing laundry.  But this week my wife was home, and while I had no clients scheduled, she did some laundry.  Big deal.  Later that day when I was seeing a client I saw a shirt that had been laundered hung over the back of the chair to my desk.  My professional life had suddenly been invaded and sullied by her lack of attention to detail.  I noticed it just as a session was ending and was prepared to be wholly embarrassed.  My client, fortunately, either didn't see it or was gracious enough to not comment.

Now I've been at this marriage thing for 35 years.  Lucky for me.  Because years ago I might have really laid into her about her lack of sensitivity to my professional life, about the sanctity of my office, the embarrassment it did (or could have) caused me.  My temper was not my best friend (nor is it now.)  But this week I was able to practice what I preach a bit and consider my wife's experience.

She works hard.  She means well.  She's a good person.  She respects me, my work and my need to have control over my own space.  Further, I remembered she'd just been to the doctor for a small procedure and thus may have not been feeling her best.  Most importantly I love her and have found that it's true what they say, our love really has grown over the years.  So after a small (but critical) analysis, I did the right thing, I forgave her for being, well, for being human.

Make no mistake, my temper can lead to grudges being held, consistent with the part of me that's still somewhere in his teens.  But I'm an adult now, and I hold no grudge (this time.)  I forgive her for being human and leaving a shirt in my office.   This is not as simple as it sounds - how many partners struggle with forgiveness of their spouses for being just people.

I just met with a couple discussing the household chores (among many more important subjects.)  She just doesn't understand why he can't put his shoes away when he kicks them off.  She's asked, reasoned and pleaded.  I suspect she's resented his lack of just simply understanding how simple it is to put your things away when you're done with them.  His response?  "It's just not who I am.  I have so many things on my mind, I just can't keep track of my shoes when I take them off at the end of a hectic day."  My suggestion to the wife (not in these words, mind you) was to just forgive him for being who he is.  The earth will not stop rotating due to shoes being on the floor (or a shirt being on the back of my office chair - though that is, of course, much closer to stopping the rotation of the earth than mere shoes on the floor.)  I'm hopeful that she'll take my advice.  Time will tell.

Now, as to the pair of socks that a client found on the couch last week from when I was folding laundry - that's different.  Totally different.