Most of us were raised by what I call the "no news is good news" style of parenting. This means that the kids go off to play and until a complaint or concern is raised that requires adult intervention. In this model, it is assumed that the children are playing well, interacting appropriately and learning how to resolve any conflicts that arise. And this is a reasonable approach for many, even most "NT" (neuro typical) population of children. Social interactive play for children is natural.
Kids on the autistic spectrum, however, do not necessarily know how to spontaneously interact with their peers. They will frequently isolate and avoid reciprocal social play (think of the "social reciprocity" required to play very simple "back and forth - your turn my turn" games.) They may be very rigid and demand that the play follow their rules - and only their rules, which of course leads to their peers or siblings not wanting to play with them as much. They may engage in self stimulatory behavior that does not lend itself to reciprocal interaction at all. Their language skills may interfere with reciprocal play.
This is why the "no news" method of parenting doesn't work for kids on the spectrum. These kids, as well as their siblings and their peers will benefit from a much more active and interactive method of parenting that, basically, calls for play that is closely supervised and even facilitated, meaning that the adult is playing with the children, teaching the child on the spectrum the patterns of repeated behaviors that are play. This is not really different from the play that parents and children naturally do, but will likely involve a lot more time and intensive focus. And yes adults, it means getting on the floor, staying there, and learning, again and again, the beauty of, for example "Chutes and Ladders" (a personal favorite.)
Kids on the spectrum need this coaching and help to guide and pattern the subtleties of reciprocal play. The progress may well be slow and tedious, but early patterning of age and developmentally appropriate play is a critical aspect of how children on the spectrum can learn more typical social interaction.
The tediousness of the work needed is not to be underestimated. This is the reason that families of kids on the spectrum need all the support they can get. Friends, relatives, neighbors should all be welcomed - even solicited to become involved and help play with the children - whether it is just the child on the spectrum with another adult/aide or whether that volunteer is "playing" with the child on the spectrum and other peers in order to pattern, structure, guide and troubleshoot the many potential pitfalls of reciprocal play that we so often take for granted.
So, to all of you who were raised with the "No News is Good News" model of parenting who have kids on the spectrum, my apologies.
