Strong Parents

It's been a week where I've seen a number of strong parents, some of whom I've known for years, some who I've just met.  Just thought I'd share some vignettes. As always, materiel changes to identifying data have been made to protect confidentiality.

I've known one mom on and off for a while.  She has a 9 year old boy on the spectrum who has a lot of strengths, but the oft found challenges of rigidity, difficulty transitioning and difficulty when the plan he anticipates changes.  He struggles with anxiety for which he receives medications that help some.  His younger sister, 8, is NT (neuro-typical) and while they've never discussed "autism" or "Asperger's" or "spectrum" outright, they have broadly discussed "differences" that people have.  Mom, to her great credit, has been "seeding" the family environment with kid friendly books about developmental differences, working to normalize her son's experience for him as well as for his sister.  She's also done a great job with "narrative" stories she's found.  For example, a story about the kid who was unable to comfortably speak with strangers (no coincidence this is one of her son's challenges.)  The story tells of a child who struggles with this, and who gradually learns that his anxiety about speaking to strangers is able to be surmounted.  Her son's begun, like the boy in the story, to speak more comfortably to strangers.  Mom's job is flexible.  She has the time to investigate, research and advocate for her son and has done so admirably.

Another couple came to me recently with their son who's on the spectrum and also has borderline cognitive functioning.  They were well aware of the impact and limitations of both diagnoses.  They have been most diligent in following up with recommendations, particularly after their son said - let's call them unwise things - at school when he became angry.  They jumped way out ahead of the curve understanding that such statements can be misinterpreted, particularly in the "small world" environment in which we now live.  They understand that threatening talk of any kind has been seen as preceding horrific behaviors and though there are no indications of this child's potential for violence, they are being most proactive in searching for solutions.  They quickly follow up on recommendations and have a very good comprehension of their child's needs.

One single mom I've known for years always impresses me.  She has a full time job that isn't particularly challenging or fulfilling, but allows her the flexibility to be there for her son with autism.  She plans ahead - not in an anxious way (professionals who work with challenged populations are quite familiar with the questions about "will he/she be able to get married, have children, live independently when the child's ages is still in single digits.  I understand the anxiety the absorption of the implications of the diagnoses has....)  She plans, for example, for spend the night company.  "What kinds of things do you think your friend might like to know when spending the night in a new home?"  Then she suggests that her son give a house tour to the guest.  She suggests her son inquire of the guest about food preferences.  Suggestions about how to be a host and allow the guest to pick out the game to be played on the x-box among many other suggestions.  All of this led to, no surprise, a very successful sleepover.

These may seem like simple, obvious examples of parent strength, but having seen lots of parents who struggle mightily with the stress of raising kids on and off the spectrum, it's nice to see.