Eyes Wide Open

As with all posts in this blog, materiel changes are made to protect the identity of clients.

Jimmy's been a tough kid to work with.  When addressed he often buries his head in mom's lap or into the cushions of the couch.  His dad isn't in the picture, but mom's boyfriend, in the home for 6 years, has been a warm and beneficial presence in Jimmy's life.  He's 10 and is a classically ADHD oppositional kid at home and school.  He's bright, and as I often tell parents, "smart + ADHD = (often) a tougher kid."

He recently was suspended.  Again.  We've been using The "Collaborative and Proactive Solutions" model I've been discussing so frequently in these posts.  See elsewhere for more background on that.  The CPS model works pretty well with him, but admittedly there have been limits - mom's work doesn't allow for much flexibility, so we've not been able to meet as frequently as needed.

None the less, I struck forth with my "what's up" questioning about the difficulty he had in school upon receiving a routine homework assignment.  He was hard to reach, but I persisted and was patient, as is often required in the "drilling" process of the "empathy step" where we ask the child about the problem, trying to learn as much as possible about his experience as he tried to tunnel into the couch.

Slowly, a bit painfully, Jimmy was able to explain the latest outburst that led to this suspension.  He mentioned that "it wasn't written on the board."  Mom and I looked at one another, both of us not understanding the statement.  I asked further and he related that whenever there's to be homework in the class it's written on the board when he walks in the room so he's prepared to write it down when cued at the end of class.  That day the teacher hadn't written it down prior to the kids entering the room, so he didn't anticipate homework that day.

Mom's eyes opened wide in acknowledgement of Jimmy's description of the essence of the problem at the same time that I clarified with him that this indeed was the issue that led to his explosion. Moving to the "problem solving" stage of the process was a fairly easy, with the caveat that mom couldn't really "collaborate" on behalf of the school, but she was optimistic that she'd be able to communicate to the teacher and staff what the issue was and how they might "collaborate" with Jimmy to avoid such problems in the future.

I've seen parents' eyes open wide like this in the past when using the CPS method.  It's always a bit exciting when they see into their child's experience.  I'll be interested in hearing how Jimmy's homework issues in that class have been addressed when we next meet.