It's been a year since I've begun this blog - something I was told I absolutely HAD to do and which I resisted strongly. As I don't read many blogs myself, I wondered who would? Well, exceeding my expectations, there have been almost 1100 readers this first year. So, I ask you, what would you like to hear about?
Feel free to let me know at Moshe.Manheim@gmail.com.
My best to you for the coming year's reading and growth!
Moshe
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
Team Building and Fun
A friend of mine had an interesting reflection on his team building experience. He was in a graduate program of about 30 people. The group had not really jelled until one night the whole group went to a bar and did what graduate students do at bars (you can fill in the rest.) He noted that after that experience the entire group had a much closer bond. Gone was the distance between people. Everyone was close. They had a shared experience together, a fun shared experience that permanently changed the group dynamic.
So what does this have to do with autism, families or growth? People with autism, particularly higher functioning folk, often struggle with how to establish friendships. Professional services are full of "social skills groups" and 'team building" to help these folks learn these skills. And it is important to note that many of this HFA population very much wants to have these connections with others.
So what about my friend's experience is so difficult for the autistic population? I think it has to do with the sense of relationship and sharing that happens as friendships develop. Simply put, it's how to have fun together. Remember that one of the significant "delays" of the Pervasive Developmental Delay is that skill that has to do with social relationships - how to make friends, the give and take of creating emotional bonds - how to have fun. So consider the essence of these activities - being social, emotions, emotional "reciprocity," including spontaneous "reciprocity of speech" or the ping pong NT's (neuro typicals) have in the course of conversation. These are all the things that folks on the spectrum struggle with. So it makes perfect sense, then, why a night of blowing off steam for my friend in graduate school created the emotional bonds that folks with autism struggle.
Fun. Consider for a minute what fun is to you. Most NT's enjoy sharing their fun - at least some of the time. Most folks on the spectrum have fun alone, whether it's with a video game, or reading, or surfing the web. The video game may be a fun activity that can be shared, but so often that is done remotely, so the sharing is literally on the screen with one's partner being anywhere else on the planet.
How to help folks on the spectrum with these issues? Practice, practice, practice. Support, support, support. Guidance and patience, followed up with - you guessed it - guidance and patience. Providing opportunities for practice, the support, guidance and having the patience needed to do so is often a struggle for caregivers, a discussion for a different time - and I'll be happy to address those should you want. But in the meantime, it is interesting to reflect on my friend's experience of the connection between fun and building friendships.
So what does this have to do with autism, families or growth? People with autism, particularly higher functioning folk, often struggle with how to establish friendships. Professional services are full of "social skills groups" and 'team building" to help these folks learn these skills. And it is important to note that many of this HFA population very much wants to have these connections with others.
So what about my friend's experience is so difficult for the autistic population? I think it has to do with the sense of relationship and sharing that happens as friendships develop. Simply put, it's how to have fun together. Remember that one of the significant "delays" of the Pervasive Developmental Delay is that skill that has to do with social relationships - how to make friends, the give and take of creating emotional bonds - how to have fun. So consider the essence of these activities - being social, emotions, emotional "reciprocity," including spontaneous "reciprocity of speech" or the ping pong NT's (neuro typicals) have in the course of conversation. These are all the things that folks on the spectrum struggle with. So it makes perfect sense, then, why a night of blowing off steam for my friend in graduate school created the emotional bonds that folks with autism struggle.
Fun. Consider for a minute what fun is to you. Most NT's enjoy sharing their fun - at least some of the time. Most folks on the spectrum have fun alone, whether it's with a video game, or reading, or surfing the web. The video game may be a fun activity that can be shared, but so often that is done remotely, so the sharing is literally on the screen with one's partner being anywhere else on the planet.
How to help folks on the spectrum with these issues? Practice, practice, practice. Support, support, support. Guidance and patience, followed up with - you guessed it - guidance and patience. Providing opportunities for practice, the support, guidance and having the patience needed to do so is often a struggle for caregivers, a discussion for a different time - and I'll be happy to address those should you want. But in the meantime, it is interesting to reflect on my friend's experience of the connection between fun and building friendships.
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