(Note that any identifying information has been disguised to protect confidentiality)
I see a young woman with HFA who is quite happy when she discusses her preferred, restricted menu of topics. The specifics of what she prefers to discuss are besides the point, but she becomes pretty uncomfortable when discussing things like some of her own challenges in the workplace or within the family. Her tolerance for such discussions are quite finite. What is seemingly infinite is her willingness to discuss her preferred, restricted menu of topics.
Another high school young man that I see also has (to some) quirky limited topics he likes to discuss. His parents structure him about this with some frequency. He asked "Why do people always tell me what to do?" I thought it a good question and we discussed how, given the fact that he has autism, a lot of adults want to help him do as well as possible so that, as an adult he'll have the best shot at success. He understands that most adults don't spend the amount of time discussing his preferred topics the way he does, but he likes what he likes. He responded "It's not like what I talk about is against the law." And I had to agree.
Restricted interests are quite common among the HFA population. To a greater or lesser extent, it's what certain people do, how they're wired. These two people with HFA have their respective idiosyncrasies, but their families struggle. These two discussions brought up a couple of interesting questions that I share:
- When should parents accept their HFA child's atypical behavior as a natural manifestation of autism and when should parents (and professionals) intervene? Certainly we want to encourage as much independence as is attainable for the individual, and yet, not every person (with autism or not) is a good candidate for college, maybe not even for many work settings, maybe or maybe not for independent living. What I would propose is that parents might need to sit back and reflect how reasonable it is for their children to continue to grow? It's not a simple question, and I'm not suggesting that parents quickly give up on their kids. I'm also not suggesting that they pester their kids either. I'm not sure what the best medium path is, but at least for these two families, I'm thinking they will benefit from considering the question of what is "reasonable".
- We train children for lots of things like speech, manners, toileting, reading and other academic skills. But how do we know when our HFA kids have hit their own personal wall of accomplishment? That's quite a tough one and, of course, is dependent on the strengths and weaknesses of each individual. Plenty of folks with HFA can grow throughout the course of their life, learning new skills, flourishing in education and career and love and family. I would also hold that there are plenty of folks with HFA who, at some point in their development, reach some level of a maximum of their strengths that might challenge their success in these same areas. They can work, be productive and live a whole life, but it may be a life that's less whole than their parents desire for them. Parents' expectations for their children, those with HFA and those who are neuro-typical (NT) often have to accept the reality of their children's abilities. Sometimes, as can be common with chronic conditions, they need to accept the reality repeatedly.
There's lots more to discuss, but I offer this as a beginning to what I think is a worthwhile conversation, if a challenging one.
