As with all of my postings, materiel changes in descriptions of clients are made to protect their identity.
I've been seeing this really nice, smart kid from a really good family - his story is pretty irrelevant except for one thing he said recently. We were discussing that as he has been getting older (late teens) his social life has gone the way that is so common. He's smoked marijuana once or twice but hasn't really used alcohol and while he's still a virgin, he's been romantically involved and has engaged in what we might once have referred to as "heavy petting." I'm sure he's interested in more when he has the opportunity. We were discussing his life and some of the stress he's been under and I suggested that until he was stable for a bit longer, that he remain cautious about using substances and becoming sexually active. I quickly qualified to him that I wasn't endorsing or condemning these activities, rather I was acknowledging the realities of our society today.
According to the US National Library of Medicine National Institute of Health, as of March 2014, fully 34% of our youth under the age of 16 reported use of alcohol and marijuana. 21% of high school seniors are current users of marijuana according to the National Institute of Drug Addiction. As we know from even a cursory review of the news, the brain doesn't really stop developing until somewhere in the early 20's. So 34% of our kids are using psychoactive addictive substances when their brains are no more than 75% mature. Not surprisingly, the study concludes that kids who have these habits are those with the higher rates of substance abuse problems. It didn't say, but I'm supposing that the numbers of kids with mental health issues in this population is also high. The CDC reports that over 12% of kids over the age of 12 have used either illegal drugs or have used pharmaceuticals for recreation in the past month. Of high schoolers, CDC reports that 47% have had sexual intercourse, 34% having had intercourse in the last 3 months and of that number, almost 15% didn't use a condom. 15% of high schoolers have had sex with 4 or more partners. These are sobering numbers.
I recently spoke with a mom (dad's not in the picture) about some very troubling behaviors her teen daughter was engaged in - serious depression coupled with serious drug and alcohol use and casual sexual activity. I flatly expressed my concern to mom that her child's emotional stability seemed quite inconsistent with the ability to manage alcohol drug use and sexual activity. Mom's response surprised me, to say the least. She said "She's in high school - isn't that what she's supposed to be doing?" Gently as I could, I clarified why a young teen with mental health issues is not "supposed" to drink, smoke pot and have sex. I'm not sure if it got through.
Which brings us back to the young man who used the phrase that is the title of this piece. He's had some challenges - that are greatly outweighed by his strengths. He's smart, does quite well in school and has great parental support. He understands that getting high, drunk and having sex are, in his words "stupid" things for someone of his station. But these are things that most all adults have done. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reports that almost 87% of adults have used alcohol. A Gallup poll reports that 38% of Americans have used marijuana. And as only 4% of Americans die as virgins, most all of us, sooner or later, have been sexually active. So virtually all of us engage in these activities, some of us have engaged in many of them.
So, when are we old enough to begin to do stupid things? I don't know. It's obviously dependent on many variables. And I'm not saying that responsible use of psychoactive substances or responsible sexual behavior is bad or good. Sexual activity is a developmentally (not to mention anthropologically and biologically) normal behavior. The use of alcohol (and in some cultures other psychoactive substances) is a part of many religious and social norms. What I do know is that mixing these emotionally demanding behaviors (that statistically, most all of us do or have done) is a bad mix with a brain that's underdeveloped. It's worse for a kid who's experiencing mental health issues. I'm also pretty sure that the kid who questioned when he would be "old enough to do stupid things" has a good shot at success. After all, if he's smart enough to ask the question, he's already showing some wisdom.
