Wednesday, October 30, 2019

How Much Academic Pressure Do We Put On Children?

While speaking with a family recently, I learned that their middle school child was on an advanced academic track.  In middle school.  This child was not struggling at all with the content, but his behavior at home was atrocious.  This same family told me that the advanced programs were soon going to begin in elementary school.  In 3rd grade.  It was all I could do to not scream

There are lots of smart, high achieving and financially successful folks out there, and they, not surprisingly, have a lot in common with one another.  So also not surprisingly, they marry.  In the long list of what's logical, they have children, and those children may be, smart.  Quite smart.  I often see some very smart kids (both on the autism spectrum and those who are neurotypical) who are bored with school.  I often say that there's nothing tougher than a really smart kid with ADHD.  A smart, bored kid in a classroom who's unable to manage their impulses is often a real challenge.  And even if the child is smart and not a behavioral challenge, do we not want to afford them every opportunity to maximize their potential and strengths?  Well of course we do.

I know of one child who had learned to count in mid elementary school.  In base 8.  That's where 8 is a round number like 10 and if you want to know more about that, google it, because the last I learned it was over 50 years ago and it didn't really stick.  But this kid got it.  Before middle school he was doing algebra.  Well.  He's an awfully smart boy.  And, again, no surprise, his parents are really smart.  They worked hard to get him involved in enrichment programs in math so that he could excel in the areas he found naturally strong.  They did it on their own, outside of the regular curriculum.  It cost them money and time.  It was inconvenient.  But I think they made a wise choice of leaving him in his regular classroom, asking the teachers to provide him some enrichment so his boredom didn't turn into disruption.  His elementary school didn't have an advanced track and they, wisely I believe, didn't transfer him to one that did.  And I think that's OK for younger kids where their social development is so critical. 

On the other hand, what's the cost of so many advanced classes and advanced expectations?  Unfortunately I see lots of really smart kids (yes from really smart parents) who perform quite well, even when lots is asked of them.  They're smart, after all, so taking the AB classes and the AP's is within their academic reach.  It is not, however, always within their emotional reach, and this is my concern. 

So many of these adolescents are used to high pressure that by mid high school they've burned out.  They begin to learn to game the system, so they learn as much about what they do/not have to do to get the grade as they do about the content of the class.  Some excel in two areas: academics and anxiety.  They worry that they're not good enough, even when obtaining good grades, because they've known only pressure for years.  Others begin to have existential crises.  In high school.  They contemplate what the broader meaning is of these hoops they've been jumping through.  Sometimes, sadly they become depressed and suicidal.  Now I love philosophy and the self examination that comes with it, and I think high school is a decent place to do that.  But is the angst, the depression and anxiety that comes with it worth the cost or risk? 

And these kids don't only excel academically.  They become involved, very involved in their extra curriculars.  The scouts eye becoming Eagle Scouts - earlier and faster than their peers, because competition is embedded in the social culture of achievement.  The musicians need lessons, from the local symphony's professional musicians and compete for regional, state and national performance opportunities.  They compete in debate.  Nationally, not just locally.  Children's soccer, softball and little leagues have after season travel teams that demand more and more time (not to mention money from parents) to excel.  Middle school parents discuss sports scholarships in front of their children.  How much pressure do we want children to have? 

There must be a balance to strike, and I wish I had a brilliant balanced hand to guide in suggesting one.  Kids should be encouraged to work hard.  They should be allowed to follow their natural talents.  I also think they should be allowed, and encouraged to have down time (not screen time) with their peers in which they can be creative and even lazy.  I'm not extolling laziness, I'm suggesting that having time without the excessive expectations being placed upon them is valuable.  And there's a huge difference between adolescents who hunger for more and those who are told, from an early age, that if they don't excel for the purpose of attending a much better university, that their trajectory in life is at risk.  It's just not true, regardless of what their high achieving parents, school administrators, tutors or others may say.  It's time to reconsider the culture of never ending pressure and competition that we've created.  There is, after all, a lot more to life.