I was thinking about a close friend who has some, let's just say "issues" re: life. They are not issues of his own making, they are circumstances beyond his control, but they effect him very directly. And I was thinking about him, I realized that he's struggling to cope. It's beginning to "get in the way." He's avoiding certain topics. It is impacting his social life because it's so hard to discuss anything without discussing the issue at hand.
A pause on "get in the way." I frequently will ask my clients whether the issue at hand is "getting in the way." If it's not, or if not too much, maybe it's not in need of a particularly therapeutic focus. Maybe it's just an irritant, and don't we all become irritated!? If it "gets in the way" we might have something important to discuss.
Back to my friend. As I thought about how this issue not of his own making and beyond his control are "getting in the way" I also thought about a family I've been working with. The couple has a teenager with a developmental disability (beyond their control, not of their own making) who has given them some pretty big behavioral challenges. This teen's parents have risen to the occasion. OK, not perfectly, after all, perfection is not really to be had in this world. But they've done a great job. Things have gotten better. There are no delusions about their child's challenges - or their teen's strengths. During the summer they took a vacation that was fun for them and fun for their teen - not always an easy task. Compromises? Sure. But they know who their kid is. They set their child up in this vacation and in school to have the best chance of success. And it's not perfect, but they work hard and they understand the child's diagnosis and how to best manage his needs with theirs.
Oh yeah, my friend. Well, he knows there are resources for him to go to where he might not feel so isolated, so alone with the circumstances that have befallen him. He knows of them, but is hesitant to use them.
Which got me thinking, what does it mean when we walk in whatever door that could help us - but are hesitant to do so? The door to therapy to talk about depression; to a medical doctor to discuss the high blood pressure; to the attorney to actually make a will that insulates our loved ones from the difficulty of the decisions that are ours. When we avoid doors, I think it's about our hesitance to accept the reality. It's when we are able to put aside - even for a brief time - our minimization or denial of the issue. It's when we consider that we might get/need help with the issue. It's a hard step. It's a step that can really change our lives, regardless of the door we're facing - or trying to not face.
And for the record, my "friend" is a melding of many many people, the family is not.
No comments:
Post a Comment